The unknown future

These days are nostalgic days for me.  I've spent the last year of my life living in Korea, and as my time here draws to a close, I'm starting to look back on all of the things I've learned over the last 12 months.  

This morning, I was particularly thinking about the new incoming class of Fulbright teachers.  They arrived in Korea for their 2 month orientation about 2 weeks ago.  I remember how I felt when I was in their shoes a year ago.  I was nervous, apprehensive, worried, scared, overwhelmed....pretty much any negative adjective you can think of, that was me.  I put on a good show, for sure - I laughed and joked around and worked hard and did well in my classes and played lots of ping-pong in my free time.....but on the inside, I was a wreck.

I wonder if anyone else from my class was like that.  I wonder if any of the new teachers this year are like that.  I'm guessing that there are lots of people who can relate to how I felt.  I can't be the only one with fears and insecurities about facing a new, strange, and unknown future.  But, contrary to the incoming teachers, I now have the benefit of experience under my belt.  My time in Korea is no longer unknown.  It is now a treasured past, instead of a dreaded future.  

It's truly incredible, the difference that experience can make.  But I think that there is a deeper element, too.  In a few weeks I'll be embarking upon another unknown future; but this time, I'm not scared.  I'm not filled with fear and trepidation and worry like I was the last time.  You may say that's simply because this future isn't as scary as the last one.  In this future, I will be fluent in the language of the country that I'm living in, and doing something (studying) that I've done for many years in the past.  But I think that the real difference is that I have learned to trust God over the past year.  

I remember so vividly my worries about moving to Korea.  And now I can testify so poignantly about how God took care of me while I was here.  He not only helped me to survive - He caused me to flourish.  And so I think to myself....why would He do that in Korea, and not in America?  He has never failed me yet; why would He start now?  And so, this time around, I'm learning to face the unknown future with anticipation rather than fear; with excitement rather than worry.  It's still scary, to be sure.  But I've found a God who is bigger than fear.  In your life and in mine, He is big enough to take care of all of our insecurities.  What an exciting future you can have if you put it into the Lord's hands!!

Deuteronomy 1:29-33

29 Then I said to you, “Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. 30 The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, 31 and in the wilderness. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.”32 In spite of this, you did not trust in the Lord your God, 33 who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go.

Enough

Have you ever wondered if you can run out of love?  I've thought about that many times this week.  This is my last week in Korea.  And every day has brought yet another round of goodbyes - with my students, my co-teachers, my friends, my family, or my church.  There have been times when I've just felt...dull.  Emotionless. Like I've cried all my tears, I've given all of my love, I've said all of the goodbyes possible, and there's simply nothing left of me.

But then more love always seems to spring up from somewhere deep inside of me.  It can be triggered by many things - the tears glistening in the eyes of a sweet student, the laughter of a dear friend, the notebook given to me by a student in which she had written a different note on every single page, the group of students who only had me as a teacher for 2 weeks last year, but yet they still took the time to special order a gift for me over the internet and give it to me as a group.  Or maybe it's just a low level-student who struggles through a sentence or two in English so that she can say goodbye to me.  Whatever the cause of it, I have found myself constantly surprised this week, over and over and over again, by the fact that I still have more tears to cry, still have more gifts to hand out, still have more people to thank, still have more love to give.

It's easy to think of God like I think of myself, as an individual with a finite supply of love to give His children.  And, if His love truly is finite, then how could He ever remember ME??  So often, I feel like I have slipped through the cracks of His love.  Goodness knows, He has so many other important things to think about...how could he possibly have time to love me, too??

But God's love is NOT finite.  It is infinite.  It is perfect, complete, and never-ending.  And there is enough of His love to go around.  There is enough for everyone.  There is enough for the pregnant teenager who feels alone and afraid.  There is enough for the drug addict who can't seem to escape his addiction.  There is enough for the respectable-looking businessman who always clears the memory on his computer, so that no one will know what sorts of pictures he's been looking at.  There is enough for the nerdy computer geek who is always getting picked on at school.  There is enough for the housewife who constantly feels overworked and under-appreciated. There is enough.  It is enough.  God's love is enough for you.  Period.

Song of Solomon 8:6-7

Place me like a seal over your heart,like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death,its jealousy unyielding as the grave.It burns like blazing fire,like a mighty flame. 7 Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away.If one were to giveall the wealth of one’s house for love,it would be utterly scorned.

Make the most of now

It's amazing the amount of apathy that one can find on the average American college campus.  These kids go to parties, they put just enough effort into their classes to pass, they never vote, they basically spend their entire lives sliding under the radar, making as little a splash as possible, expending as little energy as possible.  "There are other people," they convince themselves, "who can do the world-changing stuff better than I."  Or perhaps, they think more along the lines of "I'm only 1 person.  What could I possibly do to make a difference??"

But either way, however their internal wheels may be turning, the end result is the same - nothing.  The end result, is that there are hundreds of thousands of young people who are totally wasting their talents, gifts, dreams, and ideas.  It's tragic, really.  It's so easy for young people to convince themselves that they're not qualified, or they don't have enough money or experience, or that their ideas are silly.  And so, instead of trying, instead of risking failure.....they do nothing.  

I think that's my single favorite thing about being a Fulbrighter.  Being a Fulbright scholar has exposed me to a host of truly fascinating, brilliant individuals.  And not only are they world travelers, or published authors, or business owners, or popular bloggers, or a host of other wonderful things....they are young.  The vast majority of them haven't hit 25 years of age yet.  They still have their whole lives ahead of them, but yet they are making the most of now.

It's easy to convince ourselves that we still have plenty of time, and we can do whatever it is that we want to....tomorrow.  Always tomorrow.  But if you keep waiting until tomorrow, eventually you're going to wake up and realize that you're too old, or too tired, or too busy, or have too many other responsibilities.

That's why I love Paul's letters to Timothy.  Timothy was a young man who wasn't afraid to change the world....now.  He didn't wait around until someone wiser, stronger, smarter, or richer could help him.  He guarded what had been entrusted to his care, and he made the most of it.  We all, like Timothy, have been entrusted with great gifts, great passions, greats visions with which we could change the world.  Don't waste what you have been given.  Don't let your talents and passions grow stagnant and dusty on the unused storage shelves of your souls.  Go out and do something.  The time is now.

Take on the attitude of one of the characters from the inspiring movie "Amazing Grace," who said it this way: "We are too young to know that certain things are impossible.  And so, we will do them anyway."  Don't just dream big things.  Do big things.

1 Timothy 6:11-21

11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 13 In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you 14 to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15 which God will bring about in his own time —God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, 16 who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen.17 Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 18 Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. 19 In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.20 Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, 21 which some have professed and in so doing have departed from the faith.

The City of Refuge

In Deuteronomy, the Lord commands His people to set aside 3 cities as "cities of refuge."  These were places that people who had accidentally killed other people to could flee to, and thus save their own lives.  "Otherwise," says Deuteronomy, "the avenger of blood might pursue him...overtake him...and kill him."

There are some interesting things that can be gleaned from these verses.  The word "city" comes from the Hebrew word iyr, which means "a place of safety, one that is always guarded by a watch."  That was why these cities were called "cities of refuge" - because they offered protection and safety from the consequences of one's mistakes.


But it gets even more interesting when you dig deeper.  Iyr is taken from the root Hebrew word uwr, which means "to be aroused or awakened," or "to be triumphant."  And so, cities of refuge become not only places where one can escape from one's sins; they become places where one can be victorious over one's sins.  They become a place where you can break away from the lifeless bondage that sin has imprisoned you in, and become awake and alive once again.


Isn't that just a perfect picture of what Jesus has done for us?  Although the Old Testamant never mentions Jesus Christ by name, it is full of analogies to Him, and this is one of my favorites.  We've all messed up.  We've all sinned, we've all made mistakes, we've all hurt people.  Whether intentionally or unintentionally, we've all done things that we shouldn't, and according to God's justice, we all should have to pay the price.  


But, praise the Lord, Jesus is our city of refuge.  He is the place that we can run to to avoid the punishments of our actions.  And, not only do we avoid punishment, but through Him, we can become victorious!  When you find refuge in Jesus, you don't simply survive - you thrive.  He doesn't simply take away the punishments of our sins; He gives us our lives back - full, rich, rewarding lives, that have no connection to our past mistakes.  He wipes the slate clean.  


Do you feel like you're drowning?  Like the "avenger of blood" is hunting you down?  There's no need to give in to your past.  Run to the City of Refuge, and let Him give you a brand new start.

Deuteronomy 19:1-7

When the Lord your God has destroyed the nations whose land he is giving you, and when you have driven them out and settled in their towns and houses, 2 then set aside for yourselves three cities in the land the Lord your God is giving you to possess. 3 Determine the distances involved and divide into three parts the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance, so that a person who kills someone may flee for refuge to one of these cities.4 This is the rule concerning anyone who kills a person and flees there for safety—anyone who kills a neighbor unintentionally, without malice aforethought. 5 For instance, a man may go into the forest with his neighbor to cut wood, and as he swings his ax to fell a tree, the head may fly off and hit his neighbor and kill him. That man may flee to one of these cities and save his life. 6 Otherwise, the avenger of blood might pursue him in a rage, overtake him if the distance is too great, and kill him even though he is not deserving of death, since he did it to his neighbor without malice aforethought. 7 This is why I command you to set aside for yourselves three cities.

Land still to be taken

Joshua is such an interesting character.  Apparently the Bible thinks so too, because he is only of the only people to have an entire book dedicated to him.  He studied and served under Moses, one of the most legendary pillars of our faith.  He was one of the only Israelites from his generation to survive to see the Promised Land.  It was under his leadership that such incredible miracles such as the sun standing still at Gilgal occurred.  He was undeniably a great man of God, and I'm sure that we can learn a lot from him.

But I wonder, sometimes, if Joshua ever got tired of being such a great leader.  I wonder if he was ever exhausted of following God, and really just wanted to curl up in a corner and rest for a few months.  In Joshua 13, the chapter starts off with this sentence: "When Joshua was old and well advanced in years, the Lord said to him, 'You are very old, and there are still very large areas of land to be taken over.'"

When I read this, I kind of giggled to myself.  I wonder if Joshua heaved a sign of frustration upon hearing these words.  Keep in mind, that he had already been leading the Israelites and fighting their enemies for many years at this point.  I wonder if he said to himself, "Lord, there's more??  How many years do I have to be doing this??  How many more people must be conquered, how many more lands must still be taken?"

I don't know if he did this.  But I can easily imagine him doing it, mostly because it's so easy to picture myself doing the same thing.  So often, I ask myself, "Lord, there's more??  Why do I have to help more people, serve those who need it more, obey your word more?  I've been a good, church-going girl all my life; I tithe, I don't swear or drink, I help out people when I can and it doesn't inconvenience me too much; haven't I done enough??  Why do I always have to be doing more??"

But that's a life of mediocrity, of acceptance of the status quo.  God has not called us to mediocrity, but rather to extraordinary excellence.  Excellence in our jobs, excellence in our personal lives, excellence in our hobbies, excellence in our relationships.  He has called us to that because He is the best, and so He requires nothing less of His people.  There are always ways to improve, because the Standard that we are seeking to emulate is Perfection.

That may sound like an overwhelming, impossible task.  But take heart.  If He was faithful with Joshua, He will be faithful to you.  He did not include the story of Joshua in the Bible simply to make us jealous about a standard of Christianity that we could never possibly hope to achieve.  He included it to encourage us, to remind us that nothing is impossible with God.  So cheer up, and whenever you get discouraged, just remember....there is always land still to be taken.

Joshua 13:1-7

When Joshua had grown old, the Lord said to him, “You are now very old, and there are still very large areas of land to be taken over.2 “This is the land that remains: all the regions of the Philistines and Geshurites, 3 from the Shihor River on the east of Egypt to the territory of Ekron on the north, all of it counted as Canaanite though held by the five Philistine rulers in Gaza, Ashdod, Ashkelon, Gath and Ekron; the territory of the Avvites 4 on the south; all the land of the Canaanites, from Arah of the Sidonians as far as Aphek and the border of the Amorites; 5 the area of Byblos; and all Lebanon to the east, from Baal Gad below Mount Hermon to Lebo Hamath.6 “As for all the inhabitants of the mountain regions from Lebanon to Misrephoth Maim, that is, all the Sidonians, I myself will drive them out before the Israelites. Be sure to allocate this land to Israel for an inheritance, as I have instructed you, 7 and divide it as an inheritance among the nine tribes and half of the tribe of Manasseh.”

Widen your perspective

I bought a popsicle stick today.  And as I was sitting there on the curb, staring at the asphalt road and metal grating right beneath my dangling feet, sticky sweet strawberry-flavored syrup running down my fingers, I had a revelation.  It occurred to me that, if I wanted to, I could pretend that I was basically anywhere in the world at that moment.  The asphalt, the grates, the ice cream, the curb....it was all exactly the same as almost every other country I've ever been to.  If I had wanted to, with my limited perspective, I could have literally imagined myself anywhere.

It was only as I looked up and around that I began to notice discrepancies, things that did not belong in Spain or France or the USA.  Like the huge ceramic pots of kimchi that were nestled in the alleys between the apartments.  Or the funny script that covered sign posts, buses, and buildings.  Or the aging, stooped old Korean ajjumas slowly making their way fearlessly across 4 lanes of traffic.

So many of us go through life the same way that I did while I was eating my popsicle.  We bury our heads into our chests, not noticing or caring what's going on around us.  We focus on what's directly in front of our faces, directly in our realm of responsibility, directly in our specific life.  It's easier that way.  Less complicated.  We don't have to think about the complications that arise when other people are brought into the picture.

But God has called us to touch not only our direct neighbors, but all nations, to the very ends of the earth.  Wow.  That's a steep commandment.  Now, don't misunderstand me; I don't think that God has really called every single Christian to be globe-trotting missionaries.  But He has called us to get out of our comfort zones sometimes.  We will never meet people in need, we will never show strangers God's love, we will never make disciples, if we go through life staring at the asphalt roads and metal grates right under our noses.  So get up.  Get going.  Look around.  Widen your perspective, and take note of the things around you, the people around you.  You will never be able to help them if you don't first see them.

Matthew 28:16-20

16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

A fast food culture

There's a graphic new book that's been taking America by storm recently.  Proponents of it say that it is a great love story, a raw book that shows the real human emotions and struggles of 2 people in love with each other.  Opponents of it, however, call it pornography, plain and simple.  Today I was reading a review of this book that was obviously written by an opponent of the book.  And in the comments section, someone wrote something that caught my eye.  "It will take courage for me to share this link on Facebook," she said, "but I will, because people need to be warned about this book."

What?  Is she serious?  When did courage get reduced to copying and pasting a link onto one's Facebook wall??  When did compassion becoming forwarding a chain email about a sick child to all of your contacts?  When did generosity turn into giving a few dollars to the homeless man on the street, or donating your old clothes that you don't even wear anymore to the nearest Salvation Army, so that you can make room in your closets for more stuff?

We have become a fast food culture.  Speed, technology, and convenience have become so important, that we tend to forget about everything else.  But this "fast food" mentality has not only affected our meal choices.  It has made everything briefer, of less importance, more expendable - especially relationships.  That's why people break up with each other over texts; or obsessively check their Facebook activity on their smart phone, even when they're in the middle of a group of friends; or prefer to stay in their room playing computer games or watching movies, rather than spend time with real people.  That's why it's now considered courageous to paste a controversial link onto your social media sites, it's compassionate to click 'forward' on a chain email, and it's generous to throw some spare change to someone in true need.

How did this happen?  What happened to Jesus telling us to carry each other's burdens?  Jesus was a friend of sinners - He ate with them, He spent time with them, He loved on them, He served them.  I think of stories in the Bible like when Jesus ate with tax collectors - some of the most despised people in Biblical times, or when He protected the woman caught in adultery from her accusers.  And then I compare it to the average American Christian - donating their used clothes to a secondhand store, sending checks to missionaries abroad, maybe on rare occasions volunteering in a soup kitchen once a month or so.  The two attitudes.....just don't compare.

Don't get caught up in our "fast food culture."  Sure, it's nice to be able to drive through McDonald's and pick up a hamburger and fries on your way home from work.  But that's where the convenience should end.  When it comes to people, time is what really matters.  Spend time with them - real time.  Don't just throw money at them and assume that someone else will help them.  Spend time with them; get to know their hearts, their hopes, their dreams.  Find out who they really are - and love them as they are.  After all, as "little Christs," how could we possibly do anything less?

Galatians 6:2-10

2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load. 6 Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.