The unknown future

These days are nostalgic days for me.  I've spent the last year of my life living in Korea, and as my time here draws to a close, I'm starting to look back on all of the things I've learned over the last 12 months.  

This morning, I was particularly thinking about the new incoming class of Fulbright teachers.  They arrived in Korea for their 2 month orientation about 2 weeks ago.  I remember how I felt when I was in their shoes a year ago.  I was nervous, apprehensive, worried, scared, overwhelmed....pretty much any negative adjective you can think of, that was me.  I put on a good show, for sure - I laughed and joked around and worked hard and did well in my classes and played lots of ping-pong in my free time.....but on the inside, I was a wreck.

I wonder if anyone else from my class was like that.  I wonder if any of the new teachers this year are like that.  I'm guessing that there are lots of people who can relate to how I felt.  I can't be the only one with fears and insecurities about facing a new, strange, and unknown future.  But, contrary to the incoming teachers, I now have the benefit of experience under my belt.  My time in Korea is no longer unknown.  It is now a treasured past, instead of a dreaded future.  

It's truly incredible, the difference that experience can make.  But I think that there is a deeper element, too.  In a few weeks I'll be embarking upon another unknown future; but this time, I'm not scared.  I'm not filled with fear and trepidation and worry like I was the last time.  You may say that's simply because this future isn't as scary as the last one.  In this future, I will be fluent in the language of the country that I'm living in, and doing something (studying) that I've done for many years in the past.  But I think that the real difference is that I have learned to trust God over the past year.  

I remember so vividly my worries about moving to Korea.  And now I can testify so poignantly about how God took care of me while I was here.  He not only helped me to survive - He caused me to flourish.  And so I think to myself....why would He do that in Korea, and not in America?  He has never failed me yet; why would He start now?  And so, this time around, I'm learning to face the unknown future with anticipation rather than fear; with excitement rather than worry.  It's still scary, to be sure.  But I've found a God who is bigger than fear.  In your life and in mine, He is big enough to take care of all of our insecurities.  What an exciting future you can have if you put it into the Lord's hands!!

Deuteronomy 1:29-33

29 Then I said to you, “Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. 30 The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, 31 and in the wilderness. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.”32 In spite of this, you did not trust in the Lord your God, 33 who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go.

Enough

Have you ever wondered if you can run out of love?  I've thought about that many times this week.  This is my last week in Korea.  And every day has brought yet another round of goodbyes - with my students, my co-teachers, my friends, my family, or my church.  There have been times when I've just felt...dull.  Emotionless. Like I've cried all my tears, I've given all of my love, I've said all of the goodbyes possible, and there's simply nothing left of me.

But then more love always seems to spring up from somewhere deep inside of me.  It can be triggered by many things - the tears glistening in the eyes of a sweet student, the laughter of a dear friend, the notebook given to me by a student in which she had written a different note on every single page, the group of students who only had me as a teacher for 2 weeks last year, but yet they still took the time to special order a gift for me over the internet and give it to me as a group.  Or maybe it's just a low level-student who struggles through a sentence or two in English so that she can say goodbye to me.  Whatever the cause of it, I have found myself constantly surprised this week, over and over and over again, by the fact that I still have more tears to cry, still have more gifts to hand out, still have more people to thank, still have more love to give.

It's easy to think of God like I think of myself, as an individual with a finite supply of love to give His children.  And, if His love truly is finite, then how could He ever remember ME??  So often, I feel like I have slipped through the cracks of His love.  Goodness knows, He has so many other important things to think about...how could he possibly have time to love me, too??

But God's love is NOT finite.  It is infinite.  It is perfect, complete, and never-ending.  And there is enough of His love to go around.  There is enough for everyone.  There is enough for the pregnant teenager who feels alone and afraid.  There is enough for the drug addict who can't seem to escape his addiction.  There is enough for the respectable-looking businessman who always clears the memory on his computer, so that no one will know what sorts of pictures he's been looking at.  There is enough for the nerdy computer geek who is always getting picked on at school.  There is enough for the housewife who constantly feels overworked and under-appreciated. There is enough.  It is enough.  God's love is enough for you.  Period.

Song of Solomon 8:6-7

Place me like a seal over your heart,like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death,its jealousy unyielding as the grave.It burns like blazing fire,like a mighty flame. 7 Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away.If one were to giveall the wealth of one’s house for love,it would be utterly scorned.