Icarus

In Greek mythology, there is a story about a young man named Icarus, who made wings of feathers and wax, but then grew haughty and flew too close to the sun.  The wax melted, his wings dissolved, and he plummeted to the earth to his death.  This character came to mind when I was reading about David and Bathsheba this morning in 2 Samuel 11.  The previous three chapters were full of David's exploits and stories about how he chased after God with all his might.  And then, in five short verses, he becomes an adulterer.  Oh, how the mighty fall.

The scariest thing about this story is not that he sleeps with a married woman, or that he tries to trick her husband, Uriah, into believing the resulting child is his, or even that he eventually kills Uriah; the scariest thing to me is that this chapter is talking about David.  David, the man after God's own heart.  David, the man who refused on multiple occasions to hurt Saul, the crazed madman who was trying to kill him, because he was the LORD's anointed.  David, the man who danced without abandon in the streets, worshiping the LORD his God.  David, the man who brought Saul's grandson into his house and treated him as one of his own children because of his love for Jonathan.

None of us are immune to sin - even sins as grievous as adultery or murder.  David's own pen wrote the Psalms I have written below - he KNEW what he needed to do to stay away from sin!  In fact, the people who are most vulnerable to sin are those who think it could never happen to them.  That's why we are told to "guard your heart above all else, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23).  Whatever we mediate on will guide our actions, which is why God tells us to meditate on Him.  Psalm 19:14 says, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."  One thing that is interesting, however, is that David would have never even been tempted if he had been doing what he was supposed to be doing.  2 Samuel 11:1 says, "In the Spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men."  David should not have even been at the palace.  Psalm 15:1-3 cautions us to keep our actions pure: "LORD, who may dwell in Your sanctuary?  Who may live on Your holy hill?  He whose walk is blameless, and who does what it righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart, and has no slander on his tongue."  (As a side note, this story of David also speaks of the importance of having accountability in one's life - David had no one in his life to tell him that what he was doing was wrong.)

But actions always start in the heart and mind - and that's where our defense should start, too.  I pray that God will "search me, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm 139:23-24).  Let's all strive to renew our minds daily (Romans 12:2).  Thank you for coming on this journey with me!

Why does God always come out of nowhere?

When I was in high school I had my whole life planned out for myself.  When I started college the plan had changed, but a definite plan still existed.  Now, almost on the flip side of college, I look back (and forward) and realize that I have no idea where my life is going.  Not only that, but the things that have have been most influential and most shaped my life I would have never predicted in a million years.  Going to Berry College.  My trip to Costa Rica.  My internships at Shaw at GSU.  I have grown so much these past few years, and the path of my life has changed so drastically.  I am so grateful that at least God knows my future, because sometimes I'm hopelessly confused.

Like now.  Adults weren't kidding when they said that graduating is scary.  I'm blessed enough to be able to say that my problem is not a lack of options, but rather a plethora of them.  Proverbs 19:21 is only too true - it says, "many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."  I have too many opportunities, and cannot choose between them.  And two of them, a summer internship and a job in Philadelphia, have really come out of nowhere within the past week.  I would never have even considered them before; but remembering how God has a habit of sending me opportunities from left field, I have to give pause and consider them a little more closely.  One of them is an internship with a church in Boston over the summer, mentoring middle-school aged girls.  I've never felt called to enter the Ministry, and would never have sought this out on my own.  But I DO love people, and I DO feel called to do big things for God, things that are out of my comfort zone.  Another one is a public policy job in Philadelphia - another thing that I would never, ever have pursued on my own.  But it seems to align itself surprisingly well with my passions.  Of course, then I also have Fulbright and GA Tech to think about, too.  With all of these conflicting opportunities and decisions, I'm left kind of floundering and wondering where I'm supposed to go.

It's times like these when I'm especially grateful for the peace and comfort (and direction!) that God's Word offers.  Of course there's the often-quoted Jeremiah 29:11 - "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"  But that's not the only source of comfort that can be found in the Bible.  Another one of my personal favorites is Proverbs 3:5-6, which says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the ways of a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."  Romans 8:28 - "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."  Psalm 119:105 - "Your Word is a lamo to my feet and a light to my path."  Psalm 71:5 - "For You are my hope, O LORD God; You are my trust from my youth."  Joshua 1:9 - "Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

There are plenty more examples, but this is probably enough for now.  The point is, God is with us.  He knows us, He knows our future, and He loves us more than we could ever imagine.  So pay attention...when something comes your way that you would not have looked for, it may be God's way of telling you that He knows best!  O Lord, I pray that you give me the wisdom to tell the difference between random opportunities and divine intervention.  To You be the glory always....

Ode to the tomato

Today I wrote a paper about a Spanish poem called "Ode al Tomate", or Ode to the Tomato.  It's a beautiful poem, filled with fabulous metaphors, wonderful similes, and creative comparisons....and it's all about a simple little tomato.  As I was reading it, I felt God whisper to my heart that all of life should be filled with as many wonders as the author found in this simple tomato.  Psalm 46:10 says to "be still, and know that I am God;" Matthew 6:28 says to "consider the lilies of the field;" John 10:10 says that Jesus came so that "we might have life in abundance.  How can I complain about cold, rainy weather when I'm faced with poems and verses like this?  Think of all the wonder I could find in the rain, if I chose to let God show me.  God's creation is so full of wonder it's unbelievable.  All He wants us to do is slow down and let Him take us on a tour.  So I challenge you, when you are overwhelmed by life, slow down, stop and smell the roses (or the lilies of the field), and let God romance and comfort you with His wonders all around you.  I can guarantee you that you won't regret it.

Ode to the Tomato 

The street filled with tomatoes
midday, summer,
light is halved like a tomato,
its juice runs through the streets.
In December, unabated,
the tomato invades the kitchen,
it enters at lunchtime,
takes its ease on countertops,
among glasses, butter dishes, blue saltcellars.
It sheds its own light, benign majesty.
Unfortunately, we must assassinate it:
the knife sinks into living flesh,
red viscera, a cool sun,
profound, inexhausible,
populates the salads of Chile,
happily, it is wed to the clear onion,
and to celebrate the union
we pour oil, essential child of the olive,
onto its halved hemispheres,
pepper adds its fragrance, salt, its magnetism;
it is the wedding of the day,
parsley hoists its flag, potatoes bubble vigorously,
the aroma of the roast knocks at the door,
it's time! come!
and, on the table, at the midpoint of summer,
the tomato, star of earth,
recurrent and fertile star,
displays its convolutions, its canals,
its remarkable amplitude and abundance,
no pit, no husk, no leaves or thorns,
the tomato offers its gift of fiery color
and the totality of its freshness.

Are you on God's side?

It's amazing the things that happen when we are on God's side.  Notice that I made a point to NOT say when God is on our side.  God is always on our side.  Ever since I came back from Spain, I have felt distant - from God, from my church, from my friends, and from my family.  What I've been learning recently is that if things aren't right with God, things will be right with little else.  And if they are right with God, well, little else will matter.

This morning was the first time in a long time that I went to church without being acutely aware that I was going by myself, and would most likely sit by myself, and would probably not have any deep conversations with anyone while I was there.  So here's the cool thing: none of those things happened.  Several people in my Sunday school class came up and talked to me and asked me how I was doing - how were my parents, how's school going, if there was anything they could pray for me about.  My Sunday school leader sat next to me in class, and a dear couple that I have known since freshman year asked me to sit next to them in "big church."  A college student from Berry invited me to come with her to the youth service after church.  Finally, a woman I didn't even know, Trish, sought me out after the service ended.  She said she had seen me worshiping, and just wanted to come encourage me and thank me for being a "true worshiper," as she put it.

These things may seem small, but to me they were monumental.  Do you know what they said to me?  They said that it's time we stop worrying about ourselves and start living for God.  It's not about us.  This Sunday was the first time in a long time that I went to church with the express and sole purpose of worshiping God - no hidden agendas, no worrying what people think or feeling sorry for myself, just praising God for the works He has done and will do in my life.  I do not think it is a coincidence that this was also the first Sunday since I got back from Spain that I felt at home, welcomed, accepted, and completely loved.  God wants us to fall in love with Him.  He is waiting for us with open arms.  We don't have to clean up our act, get things right with our friends and family, have stable finances, or anything else before we come to Him.  He just wants us - when we are His, then everything else will fall into place.

The verse for today comes from Psalm chapter 15.  It may seem a little out of place for this blog, but I think it's perfect.  When we submerse ourselves in God, we will become submersed in His likeness.  And it is only then, that we will "never be shaken."  I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to becoming unshakeable.

Psalm 15
 ¹ LORD, who may dwell in your sacred tent? Who may live on your holy mountain?
 ² The one whose walk is blameless, who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from their heart;
³ whose tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbor, and casts no slur on others;
⁴ who despises a vile person but honors those who fear the LORD; who keeps an oath even when it hurts, and does not change their mind; ⁵ who lends money to the poor without interest; who does not accept a bribe against the innocent.  Whoever does these things will never be shaken.

Jevohah-Jireh

I woke up this morning with the strands of Twenty-Three, by Scott Krippayne, reverberating in my head.  Twenty-Three is really just quoting the twenty-third Psalm (which I have pasted at the bottom of this blog).  I just think this is such a beautiful picture of God's provision - it's one of my favorite chapters in the entire Bible.  My favorite name of the Lord for years has been Jehovah-Jireh, the LORD provides.  Just look at everything He provides for us, even in this one chapter!  He gives us food, rest, direction, safety, and comfort.  He refreshes our souls.  His goodness and love will never leave us.  He promises us a home with Him forever.  How amazing is my God!! 

It's amazing how much happier I am now that I've been daily in God's word.  Before I started this blog, I was often spotty with my quiet times.  And even when I read the Word, there were many times when I rushed through it and didn't really get what God was trying to tell me.  I think as a result of that, I was starting to really dislike myself.  That is what happens when we find our identity in ourselves instead of God - we will always come up lacking.  But thank the LORD, "in our weakness He in strong!" (2 Corinthians 12:9)  And now that I'm finally starting to understand that, I'm so much more complete than I ever was in my own strength.

A friend of mind sent me a great picture the other day, which I have put below this paragraph.  It was meant to be funny, but I saw it as an example of God's love and mercy.  Whether we look at ourselves as a glass half full or a glass half empty, we will always be lacking.  But God fills up the other half of the glass.  He completes us, makes us whole.  I am starting to see now just how much bigger He is than I could ever be by myself.  But you know what?  I'm OK with that.  Because you know the greatest part about God's bigness?  Every single ounce of His being is crazy about me, and He will always be my Jehovah-Jireh.

PSALM 23 
¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.  ² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters, ³ he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths
 for his name’s sake. ⁴ Even though I walk through the darkest valley,^[a] I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. ⁵ You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. ⁶ Surely your
 goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.

Developing a heart like His

So I'm studying the life of David right now in Beth Moore's study entitled "Seeking a heart like His."  I've always wondered why the Bible calls David a "man after God's own heart."  He took many wives, he committed adultery with Bathsheba, and then killed her husband so he wouldn't find out, he killed thousands and thousands of people in battle....David, in my opinion, has always seemed to be a guy of average virtuousness.  This morning, however, II Samuel chapter 8 gave me a great look into the heart of David, into what it means to have a heart like His.

1) A heart like His is cooperative.  In II Samuel 7:10-11, God promised David that He would give Israel rest from all her enemies.  David did not just sit and wait for this to happen - he obeyed God and went to the field of battle and participated in the victory.  That being said, do not be overzealous in "helping" God fulfill His promises.  Abraham and Sarah also "helped" God fulfill a promise, the promise of a son, and they created countless problems for future generations.  It takes wisdom to know the difference between when God wants us to act and when He wants us to wait on His timing.  But whether God calls us to fight, wait, sit, or stand, He calls us to cooperate with Him.

2) A heart like His offers hope and mercy.  David did not completely annihilate the countries he set out to conquer.  He allowed some to live - both people and their livestock (verses 2,4).  David's goal was not to annihilate them, but rather to subjugate them so that Israel could have the peace that God had promised.  That brings me to the third point.

3) A heart like His is completely dedicated to God.  We see both a figurative and a literal dedication to God in this chapter.  During this period of David's life, David was quick to give any glory he received right back to the Lord.  He humbly recognized where his success came from, and always acknowledged that in everything he did.  God gave him victory in all his endeavors because God knew that David would give glory where glory was due.  But David also literally dedicated all of the spoils of war to the Lord.  The Hebrew word for dedicate is qadhash, which means "to hallow, dedicate, consecrate to God, treat as holy."  Think about this...how closely are dedication and purity related?  What would happen if we dedicated OUR lives to God?  If we gave Him our praises, our positions, our paychecks, everything...how much more so do you think our lives would be marked by purity?  That's a big thought....I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it.

4) A heart like His is just and righteous.  II Samuel 8:15 says, "David reigned over all Israel, doing what was just and righteous for all his people."  In Jeremiah 9:24, the Bible says that "Let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who excercises kindness, justice, and righteousness, for in these I delight, declares the LORD."  That, dear friends, is why David had a heart like God's.  He had the same priorities that God did, and in everything he did (at least for a time) he endeavored to do what would most please and bring glory to God.

5) A heart like His has a wisdom for administration.  Growth means getting help.  This is true in a spiritual as well as a physical sense.  No one in their right mind would ever say that a successful company like Apple or Google would have ever gotten where they are today with only 1 person.  Right now I'm currently witnessing the collapse of the clubs that I was president of last year with astonishing rapidity.  They went from being vibrant clubs last year, with active officers who all worked together - and worked well together - to withered shells of their former selves this year because their presidents refuse to ask other people for help, and insist on doing everything themselves.  It reminds me of Exodus 18:17, when Jethro advised Moses to delegate the workload of governing the Israelites to reduce both his workload and their frustration.  See, that's the thing about administration - the lack of it hurts not only yourself, but everyone around you.  David understood this, and in verses 16-18 we can read about the officials that he appointed to help him govern and avoid frustration.

I think the last point is especially interesting.  So often we over-spiritualize God, thinking that anyone with a heart like His must be some super-religious person.  But God wants to be involved in every part of our lives, even the mundane parts, like organizing and delegating.  I love that.  God cannot be compartmentalized to Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights.  David understood that, and let God into ALL of the compartments.  Let's strive to be more like David.  That's my challenge this week, both to anyone reading this and to myself - let God into one area of your life that He is not in right now.  I get the feeling that great things will happen if we do.

What would happen if we "got it?"

II Samuel chapter 7 is a beautiful chapter in the Bible.  Currently one of my favorites, in fact.  The first half of the chapter recounts how David wanted to build a temple for the Lord, but the Lord informed him through Nathan the prophet that He himself would bless David, instead.  It is here that we find the covenant God makes with David to establish his offspring on the throne forever, which was finally fulfilled in the person of Jesus Himself.  What a wonderful promise!!

But the story doesn't end there.  Verse 18 says, "Then King David went in and sat before the Lord, and said..."  Have you ever been so overwhelmed that you just had to sit down?  That's what I picture in my mind from this verse.  This is one of the only times that this verb, to sit (yashab in Hebrew), is used to refer to someone's actions while in the presence of the Lord.  It's quite possible that David meant to kneel before the Lord.  But he was simply so overwhelmed by what God has just promised him, he just had to sit down.  The rest of the chapter is occupied by a song of impromptu praise that just flows from David's lips.  He is so overwhelmed by God's goodness, His infinite love, that he just has to let it out or he will burst.  I especially like verse 19: "and if this were not enough in Your sight, O Sovereign Lord, You have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant."

David got it.  He understood the magnitude of what God has just promised him.  What would happen if we got it?  God has promised us so many things in His Word - guidance (Psalm 32:8), deliverance (Psalm 50:15), strength (Isaiah 41:10), help (Isaiah 41:13), safety and provision (Psalm 23), and blessings (Ezekiel 34:26), just to name a few.  What would happen if we really took those promises to heart.  I think revival would break out.  In our hearts, in the lives of those around us, in our cities, in our nations, and in our world.  When is the last time you have just sat down and basked in God's promises, basked in God's presence?  It is a beautiful thing.  I pray that someday I will able to grasp the magnitude of God's love for me like David did.  It is world-changing.  But not only that - for the God I serve is a personal God - it is life-changing.  What a beautiful truth!  I pray that we all grasp hold of that.  I encourage you to spend some time sitting before the Lord today.

All the single ladies

Last night Kerrie, my Bible study leader, asked me about my relationship status.  And that got me thinking... what would happen if single ladies actually saw themselves the way God saw them?  Really, that question is for everyone - men and women, married and single alike.  But as I am a single lady, I am directing this post specifically towards those beautiful sisters in Christ in my same situation.  Psalm 45:11 says that "the King is enthralled by your beauty."  And yet our society is plagued by chronic low self-esteem, as evidenced in abundance by the frighteningly high depression, anorexia, bulimia, and suicide rates.  The Bible calls us to "rest in the shadow of His wings" (Psalm 91:1), and assures us that we will be completely taken care of in Psalm 23, yet the anxiety and high blood pressure rates are astonishingly high.  Where have God's warriors gone?  We are called to fight just as hard as anyone else in this spiritual battle that we are in the midst of.  And yet so often, we have let ourselves become neutralized and removed from the fight.

So often this happens because of bad relationships.  We have a bad experience with a guy, our self-esteem plummets, and we convince ourselves that we are no longer good for anything.  The same can happen from a lack of relationship.  We go years without a romantic relationship, and somehow we let Satan get it into our head that there is something shameful about that.  When I was in high school, I yearned for a relationship to fill the void in my life.  I see now that that void was a void that only God could fill, but in high school I rashly entered a relationship anyway, thinking it would fulfill me.  The prayer of my heart back then was, "God, send me 'the One.'"  Don't get me wrong, 4 years on the flip side I would still like to be married.  But my prayer has changed from "send me the One" to "MAKE me the One."  We cannot love someone else unless we know the Author of love.  We cannot use the armor of God unless He has taught us how to use it.  And we cannot be effective - in life, love, or anything in between - unless God is on our side.

If you are single and happy, and don't want to change, good for you!  But if you are single and yearning for a meaningful relationship, don't be idle in the meantime!  Seek God with all your heart, let Him mold you into the wife you were meant to be.  The responsibility of seeking God does not just fall on men - how can we be their helpmeet if we don't also know how to call on and seek the Lord?  Wait on the Lord, and your strength will be renewed (Isaiah 40:31).  Not only that, but when we wait on Him, He will act on our behalf (Isaiah 64:4)!  How awesome is that!

I don't know about you, but I find it incredibly comforting that I do not have the burden of finding someone with whom I will spend the rest of my life with.  I simply have to wait on the Lord and prepare myself while I'm waiting...and when I'm ready, God will send him to me...and I'll be able to give him my whole heart, knowing that I waited on God's good timing.  But in the meantime, dear sisters, don't neutralize your impact on the people around you!  Don't convince yourself that you just have to sit on the sidelines, waiting for your life to start when you finally get married (or engaged, or have a boyfriend, or whatever the "ideal" thing for you is).  Your life is now!  Take advantage of it!  God has great things planned for you now....and He's dying to romance you!  Let Him do it - fall in love with the Author of love.  How awesome is the Lord our God!!! :)

Do crazy things for God

I had a crazy thought pop into my head today while I was in the shower. I had just gotten back from my Bible study (after staying late and talking about anything and everything to the wonderful woman who is leading it), and was thinking about the things I had learned tonight, over the past few weeks and even months. And all of a sudden, this thought popped into my head: "write a blog about it." I took an extra-long shower, trying to erase the thought from my mind, trying to convince myself that it was crazy. I don't even like blogging! I made myself do it while I was in Spain (laurenpfenner.blogspot.com), but that was only because it was the easiest way to tell my family what I was up to, and they were dying to know. But write a blog, all on my own, with no real "reason" to?? It was the topic that especially threw me for a loop. This persistent, annoying voice that wouldn't go away was telling me to write a daily blog about what God is teaching me in my life. I came up with so many excuses. But what will people think? What if I don't have time to write every day? What if I don't learn something every day? What if, what if, what if....but the thought wouldn't go away. I kept thinking of the movie Julie and Julia, in which the character embarks on a year-long blog to chronicle her cooking exploits. She says that if she doesn't have a time limit and an audience to keep her accountable, the blog will never happen. Well, I kept thinking that, as much as I may want to grow in the Lord, if I don't force myself to have daily accountability, I will not grow nearly as much as I could. And so, after hours of trying to argue myself out of this crazy idea of writing a blog every single day, here I am writing a blog. Life's full of surprises, isn't it? :)

So here's my nugget for the day: do crazy things for God. I don't know where this blog will take me. Honestly, I don't know how consistently I will be able to write in it every day. But I do know that this is the first impulsive thing I've done after being nudged by the Spirit in a very long time, and I'm also more excited about God's going to do through this than I have been in a while. And I also know that God is a mysterious God, and often works in ways that are completely unfathomable to us. So just...jump in! If He's asking you to do something crazy, just do it! Trust God, take a deep breath, and make the plunge! God is a God of many things, but He is not one who disappoints.

Please don't misunderstand me: this is not a "pay attention to Lauren" blog. I was accused while writing my last blog of writing it simply because I wanted to be in the limelight...that is not the point of this blog. If no one ever makes a comment on it, never mentions reading it, or never even reads it at all, that's ok with me. This blog is an act of obedience for me. It is a daily worship of the Almighty Lord God, a daily remembrance of how big and wonderful He truly is. But if you'd like to come along with me on the journey, you're more than welcome to do so!