Prayer in all things

Last night I had a horrible headache.  We started sparring in Taekwondo, and let's just say that it didn't go so well for me.  My back muscles were all knotted up, my neck was tight, and my head was killing me.  I muscled through it for most of the day, but by the time I sat down last night to study it was pretty bad.

But when I was studying, I was reminded of the importance of prayer.  I commented to my study partner how much my back was hurting me, and the first thing that she asked was if I wanted to pray about it.  It was so cool to see that prayer was her very first go-to reaction, and also very convicting to be reminded that it is not my go-to reaction.

But anyway, we prayed for my back right then and there.  And almost instantly, the pain went away.  Now don't get me wrong, I know that God does not always work instantaneously.  But it was so encouraging to see Him work so quickly and so faithfully.  The Bible says to bring your requests to God in EVERY situation.  Not just the big ones.  Not just the ones that affect a lot of people.  Not just the ones that you've been thinking about for a while.  Every situation.  And, although you might not get the answer you want every time, His peace will always be with you.  That's a promise.

Philippians 4:4-7

 ⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

Now what??

I graduated from college today.  It was all very surreal.  There was the early morning bustle to get the last of my things packed into the car, the class picture before the ceremony, the friendly teasing about the abnormally large amount of honor cords strung around my neck.  Then the pomp and circumstance...caps, gowns, regalia and speeches.  Baking in the sun under my fashion-backwards cap and gown, listening to the speakers and just waiting for my big moment.  Finally it was my turn, and I walked across the stage, hoping with all my might that I wouldn't trip while on stage, rehearsing in my head all of the instructions we'd been given - handshake low, diploma hand high, tassel goes from right to left, stop for the photographer.  I barely even heard the Provost speaking, but I'm pretty sure she got all of my information right.  After we filed out, I was bombarded by friends, went to lunch, strapped my bike to my car, and headed home.  And that's that.

The hardest part was the goodbyes.  So many of my dear friends were there today.  Caroline, who taught me to love life and introduced me to a whole new world - and even a bit of French while she was at it, too!  The thought of her wonderful little self being on the other side of the world from me almost breaks my heart.  Kerrie and Barry Touchstone, who opened their home to me every week this semester, and their hearts to me every day.  William Souder, my old boss who would and still will do almost anything for me.  The Leslies, who welcomed me into their lives like a daughter, and Rachel, who has become like a sister to me.  David Price, who never ceases to bring entertainment and laughter wherever he goes.  So many more people came to show their support for me - people that I love dearly, and will miss sorely.  The pain of so many goodbyes in one day almost breaks my heart in two.

And so now I'm here, wondering "what next?"  The wreckage of the past fours years of my life lies scattered around my room in boxes, bags, and suitcases.  The memory of my empty dorm room haunts me.  And the thought that it will likely be years, if ever, before I see these wonderful people, visit these wonderful places, see this wonderful campus again, is excruciating.  I'm in a fog, a daze.  I don't quite know how to move on, what I'm supposed to do now that this stage of my life has ended.  I do know, however, that "my God will meet all of my needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).  But I think for now, that what I need is sleep.  That seems to be the only way to stop the tears.  Until tomorrow....

My God shall supply ALL my needs...

I am so completely overwhelmed by God's goodness right now.  Last night I went to Atlanta, for the annual dinner of the "America-Korea Friendship Society".  I was invited by a member of the Berry College Board of Trustees after they heard that I had won a Fulbright scholarship to South Korea.  It was such a wonderful evening.  Everyone I talked to was just so ecstatic for me.  I spoke to several native Koreans who underscored the importance that most Koreans place on learning English and about the American culture, and told me how happy they would be to have me over there.  I heard stories from other Americans who have lived there.  Literally without exception, no one who has had any interaction with South Korea has told me anything negative.  It was just soooo encouraging.  For the first time since I got my acceptance letter, I'm actually excited to go.  Still nervous beyond belief, but God's really starting to convince me that this is where I'm supposed to go, and that He's going to do big things, things beyond my wildest dreams, while I'm over there.

After I got back from the dinner, I talked about graduation plans with my best friend, Rachel.  Also for the first time, I'm starting to look forward to graduation without trepidation.  I no longer view it as simply a relief from studying, but an entry into the scary real world; but rather the close of one chapter in my life and the start of a new one, an incredible one.  Am I still nervous?  Absolutely.  Do I worry about what the future holds?  Without question.  But every day, I am struck more and more by the fact that my God truly shall supply ALL my needs, according to His riches in glory through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).  What a wonderfully comforting thought.

Peace He leaves with us...

Today has been such a whirlwind of emotion.  I don't quite know how to start this blog.  I found out today that I got a Fulbright Scholarship, which pays for a year of teaching English abroad.  My Fulbright is in - you ready? - South Korea.  My emotions have been doing somersaults ever since I opened the letter.  Deep down, I was secretly hoping that I wouldn't get it - I love the GA Tech program, I love Atlanta, I love the dance scene in Atlanta, and I was really looking forward to starting to settle down a little bit.  I'm so tired of living out of suitcases and boxes.  Not only does a Fulbright extend the time I have to wait until I can settle down; but the thought of living for a year in South Korea, teaching English in a country where I do not speak a single word of their language - nor any related language, for that matter - terrifies me.  I'm flat out petrified.

Before I opened that letter, I would have said that I had been praying that God would open this door if He wanted me to take it, and so either way I would just leave it in His hands.  But now that I've gotten it, I'm starting to second-guess myself...did I really pray hard enough?  Maybe I'm not really meant to go.  Why would God send me somewhere that I don't understand the language, the culture, or anything else?  Why should I willingly do something so daggone hard??

I've spoken with several people very close to me since I opened that letter.  The first thing my dad said was, "Well this thing's way bigger than you are...it sure sounds like a God thing to me."  Both my brother and my best friend reminded me that I've been scared about pretty much every other opportunity I've had in my life - and they've all been wonderful.  I argued with them that I've never been quite so terrified as I am now...and I've always spoken the language of the country I went to!  But really, when it gets down to it, isn't that really a bit of a nuance?  The crux of the matter is that God loves me, and directs my path, and will look out for me, no matter what situation He throws me in.

It's days like today that I am so grateful for verses like John 14:27, which says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  Second Thessalonians 3:16 - "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you."  Colossians 3:15 - "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful."  Philippians 4:7 - "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Numbers 6:25-26 - "The LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."

God knows the plans He has for my life.  He has prospered me, He has given me a hope and a future.  As scary as life is right now, I want to trust in Him.  I want His peace.  I want to rest in the shadow of His wings.  God is good, and He loves me more than I will ever be able to comprehend.  For now, amidst the craziness and insanity swirling all around me, that is enough.  His love, His mercy and His peace is enough - enough to protect me and enough to sustain me.  I pray that I will never forget that.